A little over 3 years ago, I reached the heaviest I have ever been. Granted, I was about to have my third and final baby (in 3 1/2 years), but my focus was on those horrible numbers on the scale. I worked out my entire pregnancy, but still managed to hit a weight I had always sworn I would never get to. In the hours after having my baby, I was in my hospital room doing chair lifts and little crunches so I could quickly lose that baby weight. After 3 years of getting in shape, working out, on average, 45 minutes a day, and eating right, I finally hit my pre-pregnancy weight THE DAY my baby turned 3 years old. For 3 years I watched as so many other mamas had babies and popped right back into place, or at least very close to it. I kept making excuses saying, "well, this is her first baby" or "she was small already", but it was when 4 other ladies had their 3rd child roughly in the same time frame I had my 3 that sent me into a self-degrading tailspin.
THEN THE LORD SENT ME ENCOURAGEMENT. Well, he had been sending me encouragement all along, but for some reason last week that encouragement hit me. So I'm going to share with you the words I wrote in my prayer journal.
Lord, you send me these little reminders to let me know how much you love me. I have such a negative view of myself physically and personally. Satan loves to dangle in front of me how much I'm not good enough. I'm not fit, or smart, or loving, or patient ENOUGH to be of any worth. And some days are worse than others. I just want to be loved and you show me how much you love me. You remind me in so many ways that I am beyond good enough for you. Thank you for those reminders. Thank you for loving me with so much passion. Fill me with your love. Run my cup over....
What I realized in those moments of tearfully writing my prayers out to the Lord was that I was his "treasured possession." Satan sure likes to make me think that being this weight is not good enough. And as a result of thinking I'm too heavy to be loved, that leads down a dangerous road of thinking I'm not smart enough, or I'm not loving enough, or that if only I was 30 pounds lighter would I have true friends who want to be around me. But God is so good. God is so loving. God cares. He knows my struggles, but he also knows my worth. And to Him, I am a treasure. I am a priceless possession. I am His. And that gives me a peace that passes understanding.
Know that you, too, are also God's priceless possession. When you start putting yourself down, that is Satan's way of putting worldly thoughts between you and a God who loves you so much for who you are. There are seasons in your life when things seem horrible, but if you remember that God has a plan for you, you can find joy in what he has created in you.