Not many people know this, but when I was high school, I was about as close to anorexic as one could get without actually giving up food all together. The only reason why I didn't give up food completely was because I didn't want to alarm others and then have to "get help." I just wanted to be skinny. Like every other high school girl. I could count on one hand how many things I ate in one day. By things, I seriously mean THINGS. 1. Orange (breakfast). 2. Granola bar (lunch) 3. Apple (lunch) 4. Vegetable (Dinner) 5. SMALL piece of meat (dinner). I drank TONS of water and chewed TONS of gum to keep me from getting hungry....and fat. I got down to 100 pounds and a size 1 for a short amount of time, but generally stayed at a 3/4 for most of my time in high school.
When I got to college, I realized that my eating habits were dangerous. Add that with the fact that I didn't want to upset my Dad by wasting money that he was paying for me to eat at school, I started eating. I didn't overeat, I just ate. Unfortunately because I didn't have to exercise in high school to keep skinny, I didn't know how to keep myself thin, especially a healthy thin. So I gained the freshmen 15...then sophomore 15...then junior 15....then senior 15. By the time I had graduated college, I was a good 40 pounds heavier than I was when I entered.
Then I got married.
No one tells you about the marriage 15 before you get married. I was working on working off my weight to get down to 120, but I was struggling with a new job, a new life, etc. So I didn't lose it....until later...then I got pregnant.
And then got pregnant immediately after having my first. Then got pregnant again after finally starting to lose 2 years of baby weight. Now I'm a good 80 pounds heavier than I was in high school. I know I will never get down to my high school weight (and frankly, I don't want to get THAT small again), but I want to get down to a healthy weight, where shopping doesn't end in tears, and I'm not embarrassed by how I look in other people's pictures. I work out more now than I EVER have, eat better than I EVER have, and have even joined Weight Watchers. I have lost 5 pounds in the past 2 years.
I say this because this whole weight issue HAS been a journey...and I'm not done. Some days I want to throw in the towel. Why is it I'm doing so much more than my skinny friends and there's nothing to show for it?! Why can't I just lose the weight? But that's part of journey. There's these stinkin' speed bumps and pot holes everywhere. The important thing for me to remember is to not give up. I want to set a good example of how to take care of our bodies for my children. And I want to feel better about myself.
I must not give up. My journey is not over.